about me

about

It’s felt like a long road to where I am now. Yet looking back, I see how every single footstep has perfectly led me to my work supporting divorced and separated parents.

 

Born and raised in a small rural village in Jamaica, close to picturesque Port Antonio, I was the middle child in a blended family of nine. Both my mom, a housewife, and my dad, a farmer, had a daughter from previous relationships, as well as five children together. Of course, back then I knew nothing about terms like “blended family.” 

 

I also knew from an early age that I was destined for more and that my family’s poverty wasn’t going to stop me. I was going to use my gifts, my intellect, and my drive to make a difference in this world — although I soon discovered that some stormy seas lay ahead that I would have to navigate first.

 

Despite doing very well academically, by the end of high school, life had taken an unexpected turn when I became a teen mom. This early introduction to parenting was not what I had imagined for myself. But despite the extra challenge, I never gave up hope.

 

I told myself that although the path ahead might be a little longer and harder, I would still make it to my destination. Clinging to a strong sense of purpose and the loving support of family, friends, and more than a few Good Samaritans along the way, I did make it. By age 30, I was a lawyer. Just five years later I was accepted to fill the post of Resident Magistrate (now Parish Judge). Yes, I had “made it,” but little did I know that this would be when my real education would start.

lessons learnt

Some of the harshest lessons from my time in family court were also the most powerful. Although sad to witness, the real-life stories I encountered of suffering families also offered up so much wisdom.

Lesson 1: Lose or LosE

There are no winners, only different degrees of losers. The children were losing big time, and so were the parents. The strong adversarial position taken by parents against each other meant that no matter how much they seemed to gain, overall they were losing more. They came to court looking for a fair share of the financial resources, a relationship with their children, and the freedom to move on in peace. But in most cases, the opposite was happening. Children felt pressured into picking sides, financial resources became more scarce (thanks in part to the costs of the legal battles), and painful separations were prolonged.

Lesson 2: COURT SUCKS

It’s not court orders or the law that makes good parents. I met many good parents in court, and may others that were trying their very best to be good, but things still got ugly. Usually, good parents resented the fact that they ended up in court. On the other hand, “bad parents” didn’t magically transform into good parents just because of court orders. No one likes to be ordered to doing anything. The result was usually reluctance or refusal to comply.

Lesson 3: Crisis Brings Change

For the entire world, Covid-19 turned normal everyday life totally upside down. But the thing about disruption — no matter how unwelcome it feels at the time — is that it gives you an opportunity to pause, reflect, and make better choices for the future. After four months of strict lockdowns, the courts re-opened. Tensions were high. Fathers hadn’t seen their children in months. Mothers had gone without the financial support for just as long. Job losses, travel restrictions, and unavoidable changes to circumstances created chaos. In reality, what was needed was simple patience and understanding.

the solution

Confronted with the problem, the big question now was: where do I begin? How can parents who are divided both physically and mentally learn the best ways to work together for the sake of their own and their family’s wellbeing?

 

**Cue lightbulb moment** Teach them!

 

My 12-plus years of experience in family law led me to this moment and this deep realization: my life’s purpose was not family law but family restoration.

 

The lifelong consequences of a family war and the painful damage that fighting creates far outweigh any benefits of “winning” a court case. Of course, there are situations where people may need to take action through court proceedings, but it should always be a last resort. The vast majority of disputes can be resolved in more peaceful and effective ways without lengthy and damaging court cases.

 

It’s my mission to arm parents with the best information and guidance to co-parent after a divorce or separation. If that is you, please know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how difficult things feel now. You are not alone. If you would like to learn more about my services and how I can help you, click here.

Get the help you need. Become the parent you can.”

KAREN HECTOR